'Forgiveness Redirected'

Ecclesiastes 7:8
'The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.'

I recently had one of those conversations that makes you say 'hmmm'....or in this case 'ouch!'

We had went with our church to a marriage retreat down at the lake and my wife and I were sitting down to a dinner with several couples that hold leadership/ mentoring roles in our church. I felt very humbled to be there and the I was able to sit next to one of the men I look up the most to on this planet, Curt Simmons. We came in later than everyone else because we had some drama on the way, you know, the kind that inevitably happens on your way to a spiritual event. The kind of drama that drives character issues and sin to the surface. God has an interesting way sometimes of not only 'determining the times set for us and the exact places we should live' (Acts 17:26) but also the exact places where we should sit.

We were going to be running a tad behind already because my wife got home at her normal time and we had an hour and a half trip ahead of us. As we started to leave the house in a hurried mode, my wife realized she left her purse, with the credit card she used to reserve our hotel room, at her work. Oh man...here goes...I always seem to struggle to not freak out in these situations...running tight...knowing we are assuredly going to be late...and something out of my control, is going to cause it. And not only that, but we have people waiting on us. It was one of those moments of truth where I could really come through spiritually...and...I....failed. To paint you a picture of where I went with it, have you ever seen those old cartoons where the characters head looks like it is going to explode, with steam shooting out of their ears???

Like Elvis Presley once sang 'Ohh, ohh, ohh I can feel my temperature risin'! I was fit to be tied but there was nothing we could do but drive to her work, pick up the purse, and get on our way. It's not like we had to drive out of our way really...her work is only 10 minutes from our house, but in the heat of the moment...that 10 minutes might as well been 10 days. Who says emotions can skew our perception? :) We took off out the door and headed to our destiny of lateness...(that's how weird I can get with stuff like that...'destiny of lateness'...really?!?) Anyway, I had to really fight not be get more upset and quite honestly, I needed to quit being upset period, but that wasn't a decision I was quite willing to make yet, unfortunately. It's not like my wife did it on purpose, in fact, she was pretty frustrated herself. But, for whatever reason, I thought I needed to inflict some weird, emotional poke at the cause of my angst, my poor wife, so I grumped and growned and expressed how upset I was....sometimes I look back at stuff like this and I wonder why God doesn't just smack me down! I'm so glad He, and my wife, have grace!

So, fast forward through our prayer filled drive (I'm so glad God still listens even when we are being stupid!) and to us arriving at our dinner. I sat down next to Curt and begin to explain my version of the situation. Within my overview of the events, I proclaim, as any good Christian would, that, although she frustrated me, I have resolved the situation and I forgiven my wife. To follow was one of the more memorable discipling moments I have had in awhile. Curt asked me a golden question, "Why did you need to forgive her?" My first reaction was,"Well, because she made me mad!" I retorted. "So what did she do to make you mad?" Curt replied. "Uhhhh, she forgot her purse....." I wish I had an audio file that had the inflection of his voice when he asked me that question, because the way he said it was as deft as a surgeon with a scalpel. "Ohhh....." I said. My brain and my soul finally coming together in a sort of spiritually enlighten moment. In my religious pride, I thought because I was angered, it was my wife who needed forgiveness. On the contrary. It was I who needed forgiveness. How many times have I done that? Someone was in the midst of something they really had no control over (forgetting something, running late because of someone else, etc.) and because it effected me and because of my sinful reaction, then I felt they were the one who needed to be forgiven. Wow, look at how far away from the spiritual reality of life I can get. I was the one that really needed to be forgiven and I needed it from my God, my wife, and my self. I have often thought because some made me 'stumble' then they were the problem. Sure, if they sinned against me, that is one thing, but in this case, as with many others, I needed to control my emotions and just go with the flow. I needed to be patient with my wife, patient with the situation, and not let something my wife couldn't control, become a primer for my sin. As Curt adeptly pointed out, I was the one in need of forgiveness. I needed to be humble and I needed forgiveness to be redirected to me.

In the midst of those moments that come from something out of your control, or those that come from things out of others control, that end up effecting you, how do you respond? Do you let your anger or hurt feelings drive a wedge between you and people close to you....between you and God? When we allow these reactions to go unchecked and when we 'forgive' people for things WE really needed forgiveness for, we may really miss the boat and fail to address weakness in our character that God is trying to drive out. Let's resolve to see situations for what they really and humble ourselves before the Lord and one another. Let's resolve to not only be forgivers, but "forgive-ees."

Love in the Lord,
Jason