'Forgiveness Redirected'

Ecclesiastes 7:8
'The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride.'

I recently had one of those conversations that makes you say 'hmmm'....or in this case 'ouch!'

We had went with our church to a marriage retreat down at the lake and my wife and I were sitting down to a dinner with several couples that hold leadership/ mentoring roles in our church. I felt very humbled to be there and the I was able to sit next to one of the men I look up the most to on this planet, Curt Simmons. We came in later than everyone else because we had some drama on the way, you know, the kind that inevitably happens on your way to a spiritual event. The kind of drama that drives character issues and sin to the surface. God has an interesting way sometimes of not only 'determining the times set for us and the exact places we should live' (Acts 17:26) but also the exact places where we should sit.

We were going to be running a tad behind already because my wife got home at her normal time and we had an hour and a half trip ahead of us. As we started to leave the house in a hurried mode, my wife realized she left her purse, with the credit card she used to reserve our hotel room, at her work. Oh man...here goes...I always seem to struggle to not freak out in these situations...running tight...knowing we are assuredly going to be late...and something out of my control, is going to cause it. And not only that, but we have people waiting on us. It was one of those moments of truth where I could really come through spiritually...and...I....failed. To paint you a picture of where I went with it, have you ever seen those old cartoons where the characters head looks like it is going to explode, with steam shooting out of their ears???

Like Elvis Presley once sang 'Ohh, ohh, ohh I can feel my temperature risin'! I was fit to be tied but there was nothing we could do but drive to her work, pick up the purse, and get on our way. It's not like we had to drive out of our way really...her work is only 10 minutes from our house, but in the heat of the moment...that 10 minutes might as well been 10 days. Who says emotions can skew our perception? :) We took off out the door and headed to our destiny of lateness...(that's how weird I can get with stuff like that...'destiny of lateness'...really?!?) Anyway, I had to really fight not be get more upset and quite honestly, I needed to quit being upset period, but that wasn't a decision I was quite willing to make yet, unfortunately. It's not like my wife did it on purpose, in fact, she was pretty frustrated herself. But, for whatever reason, I thought I needed to inflict some weird, emotional poke at the cause of my angst, my poor wife, so I grumped and growned and expressed how upset I was....sometimes I look back at stuff like this and I wonder why God doesn't just smack me down! I'm so glad He, and my wife, have grace!

So, fast forward through our prayer filled drive (I'm so glad God still listens even when we are being stupid!) and to us arriving at our dinner. I sat down next to Curt and begin to explain my version of the situation. Within my overview of the events, I proclaim, as any good Christian would, that, although she frustrated me, I have resolved the situation and I forgiven my wife. To follow was one of the more memorable discipling moments I have had in awhile. Curt asked me a golden question, "Why did you need to forgive her?" My first reaction was,"Well, because she made me mad!" I retorted. "So what did she do to make you mad?" Curt replied. "Uhhhh, she forgot her purse....." I wish I had an audio file that had the inflection of his voice when he asked me that question, because the way he said it was as deft as a surgeon with a scalpel. "Ohhh....." I said. My brain and my soul finally coming together in a sort of spiritually enlighten moment. In my religious pride, I thought because I was angered, it was my wife who needed forgiveness. On the contrary. It was I who needed forgiveness. How many times have I done that? Someone was in the midst of something they really had no control over (forgetting something, running late because of someone else, etc.) and because it effected me and because of my sinful reaction, then I felt they were the one who needed to be forgiven. Wow, look at how far away from the spiritual reality of life I can get. I was the one that really needed to be forgiven and I needed it from my God, my wife, and my self. I have often thought because some made me 'stumble' then they were the problem. Sure, if they sinned against me, that is one thing, but in this case, as with many others, I needed to control my emotions and just go with the flow. I needed to be patient with my wife, patient with the situation, and not let something my wife couldn't control, become a primer for my sin. As Curt adeptly pointed out, I was the one in need of forgiveness. I needed to be humble and I needed forgiveness to be redirected to me.

In the midst of those moments that come from something out of your control, or those that come from things out of others control, that end up effecting you, how do you respond? Do you let your anger or hurt feelings drive a wedge between you and people close to you....between you and God? When we allow these reactions to go unchecked and when we 'forgive' people for things WE really needed forgiveness for, we may really miss the boat and fail to address weakness in our character that God is trying to drive out. Let's resolve to see situations for what they really and humble ourselves before the Lord and one another. Let's resolve to not only be forgivers, but "forgive-ees."

Love in the Lord,
Jason

'A Spiritual TKO'

Numbers 14: 1-3 (New International Version)

The People Rebel

"That night all the people of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn't it be better for us to go back to Egypt?"

I just got spiritually punched in the stomach 3 times within the past 24 hours. At our bible study on Thursday night we all went around the room and openly shared with everyone one area of our life that showed how our unrighteous pride comes out. One of the ladies in our group talked about how frustrated she can get when her schedule gets thrown out of whack. Body blow #1. I often get frustrated by the wrenches that get thrown into the intricately laid and painstakingly planned, plumbing of my life. (Ok, that was a little bit over descriptive, but you get my point right?!) Whether it is a simple plan of going from my bedroom to the kitchen in a beeline for the cereal, or a more complex plan like how I want to lose weight (cut out some cereal maybe!?)...no matter how grandiose or minute, if my plan doesn't go 'according to plan' then I am frustrated and get bitter. My wife and I like to chastise each other in these moments (light-heartedly of course!) with the term 'Marah' which in the old testament meant 'bitter'. When we see each other getting all huffy, we say 'Don't be Marah!' It is a joking way to remind each other to not go down that road, not to allow little things to get me frustrated. Oh how I wish it was that easy. A little joke here and there and I am convicted of my sin and make all the changes necessary...oh to have that softness of heart..but I digress...I'm getting into a whole other subject....

Back to the story...We got home that night and I decided to have a little time in God's Word before bed. I read the above verse because that was the daily reading in the 'Chronological Bible in a Year' and out of nowhere comes a haymaker! Body blow #2. Oh how I complain! "I'm so tired." "I don't feel good". "If only I had such and such career, or had or more money..." Blah- blah- blawdy- blah- blah. Just hearing my own voice as I replay past complaints in my head, makes me want to throat punch myself! I can get so easily out of touch with how blessed I am that it is unsightly and ghastly. (How about those descriptive words!!!) As is common place with me, unfortunately, I didn't totally get it the first time, or the second time, so the hits kept on coming! I was getting hit so hard, I had no defense. Go Holy Spirit go! He had me on the ropes and he moved in to finish me off!The next morning I received an email with a link to Jon Bettale's blog postings that he uses to keep us up-to-date on his wife Sue, who is currently undergoing treatment for Leukemia. He stated in his posting that Sue was having so much pain in the aftermath of her bone marrow transplant that she could barely endure it. Yet she never complained. Body blow #3 and down goes Jason. Knocked out spiritually. I was so convicted that all I could do was sit there in a sort of beaten stupor. I felt like I kicked right in the teeth. Here is Sue Bettale, fighting Leukemia, going through pain that I have never known, and Lord willing never will, and she wasn't complaining. No, she was grateful for each day. Each day was awesome because it meant she was still alive, still fighting. I get bent out of shape because I don't get to rest, because there is too much to do at the house, because things aren't going how I expect them to. I bet Sue would like to have my 'problem' right now. I bet there are alot of people who would like to have my 'problem'. Wow, how easy it is to lose touch.

What it really comes down to is perspective. I lose it so quickly because I want what I want when I want it. Not unlike my two year old, when she is undergoing hunger pangs, "I want! I want! I want!!" I bellow to my Father in heaven. Yet, if I really look at it, I already have it. I have been so thoroughly blessed that it is ridiculous. Ludicrous even! God has truly given me more than I could ever ask for or imagine. I bet if we all took the time to sit down and really think about it, we could say the same. For me, and really for all of us, it's time to quit complaining, whether verbally or in our hearts, and really take stock of just how blessed we really are. The floodgates have been opened, yet I fear most of us have missed it. We were so focused on specific droplets, we missed the tidal wave. What about for you? Let's resolve to never take our blessings for granted and to not let each other complain.

Philippians 2:14-15 (New International Version)

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe...

Love in the Lord of all blessings,
Jason