'From Shepherd to Hero to King (and all points in between): Lessons from the Life of David'

David drops Goliath like a bad habit

No bible study has changed my perspective on God (well, since my conversion studies anyway!) more than my recent readings concerning the life of David, son of Jesse. I have been continually amazed when I look at the events of his life, as chronicled in 1 and 2 Samuel, by the amazing ups and nearly crushing and oft-times gut wrenching downs that he experienced throughout his life. His rise from obscurity as a lowly shepherd boy who was barely even acknowledged by his own dad to his meteoric rise to hero/conqueror of the mighty Goliath, to his ascension to the throne where he became the greatest king in Israel's history; David's life was both triumphant and, somewhat shockingly, tragic. He was anointed, then disappointed. He was chosen, then chased. He was faithful, then fearful. He was righteous, then repugnant.  He was chosen by Samuel and then sent by his dad, who obviously was not impressed, to take cheeses to his brothers. He felled Goliath with a sling shot and some rocks, then was chased out of the palace by the man he was supposed to replace, the murderous king Saul. When Saul was killed, he ascended to the throne, then lusted, raped, murdered, and lied himself into a world of hurt. He repented after the rebuke of the prophet Nathan, but later died a broken and sad man, the victim of his own failed fatherhood. Reading through the account of David's life is a virtual roller coaster ride of emotions that is wrought with cautionary tales as well as stories of epic victory.
What became indelibly written on my heart through this study is how God incredibly loves his people. David was obviously God's chosen man to lead Israel, a man after his own heart. Yet he had some colossal failures. His lies caused the head prophet of Nob, Ahimelek, to compromise his convictions and ultimately the same deceit led to the entire city of Nob being ransacked and destroyed; men, women, and children alike. Years later, his lust, lies, and emotional decision making, reared their ugly head again as he committed adultery with Bethsheba and then had her husband killed. And to top it all off, when David was old and full of years, his lack of parenting came back to haunt him as his sons took his kingdom from him and left him with nothing. The failures David endured were all self-inflicted and some of them ended the lives of innocent people, BUT nevertheless, God held David in the highest esteem. Why? Why would he choose such a 'royal' screw-up to be his man? Why would choose an emotional, lustful, deceitful, arrogant, young, punk from the shepherd fields to be his man? This whole study on David brought me to one very encouraging and securing conclusion. Now hold on tight for this one...this could revolutionize your faith if you let it.
God is not as concerned with my ups and downs as much he is with the relationship I have with him. Did you catch that? Stop for a second and let that sink in. It's not so much the snap shot, but the motion picture. Look at how David always recovered. He always went back to his relationship with God even after he blew it big time. He went extended periods of time where he was 'in sin' and yet his repentance was honored by God, even when David was punished severely. He won many victories for the Lord but those didn't really shape God's opinion of him that much either. It was David's love for God, his persistence in going back to Him, that defined David's life and was the  preeminent reason why God held David in such high esteem.
I feel a cosmic connection with David. No, not because I was ever royalty, or because I ever felled the big bully, but because I feel like my life is a roller-coaster. Ups, downs, twists, turns, drops, slow crawls, and dramatic speeds seem to characterize my daily life. Like David, I have blown it big time in my life and I have also been blessed beyond reason. I have made some bad choices and broken faith with the Lord to follow my own feelings. I have stood firm in the face of some challenges and have wilted under others. I can totally relate to the highs and lows David experienced and how his story almost seems like the tale of 5 or 6 men's lives woven together, rather than one man's saga. What can be incredibly challenging for me in all of this is, is that I spend too much time trying to weigh my life on scales that are concerned with victories and defeats. I have this almost constant, sneaking feeling that the bad times far outweigh the good. I feel like those times where I wilted make my times where I stood strong worthless, or at the very least, not all that great. I get focused on seeing my life through the lens of victories and defeats, good times and bad times, and because I am an eternal pessimist, my life looks pretty bleak. I get depressed, hopeless, and suffer from a serious lack of joy in the Lord. My peace is in pieces and faith is smaller that a molecule, not even perceptible to the human eye. To my shame, I can get so caught up in all of that that I miss the overarching point. However, the back story that was the constant thread that runs through the story of David's life....none of that matters as much as my relationship with God. My wins and loses don't matter as much as my heart to get back in the game when I get spiritually concussed. It's not my performance, it's my perseverance that matters. I have to go back to Him when I stray. I have to go back to Him when I realize I have been pushing Him away. I have to embrace Him instead of embracing my fear, my embarrassment, or my pride. Too often I sin, get filled with guilt, then turn away from God in my disgrace. When I should be turning to Him in my hour of need, I am declaring in my heart like Peter in the boat during the biggest catch of his life, 'Go away from me Lord, for I am a sinful man.'
Too many of us are paralyzed by perspective. We look at life as a series of tests that are graded by "pass" or "fail". Far too many of us measure our lives by the number of victories we have, thinking that somehow if we get a high enough victory to defeat ratio that God with let us in, because, after all, God only wants winners, right? Well guess what? God isn't that short-sighted. He wants us to have victories and he knows we will have defeats, but in the end, the number or even the breadth of those, won't matter a bit. All that will matter is did you give you heart to Him? Did you come back when you strayed? Did you repent, confess, and accept His discipline? Did you persevere, getting up when you got knocked down? Did you, despite your flaws, fight and claw for your relationship with God until your last breath? It's all about your relationship with the Almighty. As it was with David, so it is with you. To God we must go and to Him we must stay and in the end that's how it will be, for eternity. Amen!

'Passion for the Passion'

Isaiah 53: 1-5

 ¹ Who has believed our message
   and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
² He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
   and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
   nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
³ He was despised and rejected by mankind,
   a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
   he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

 ⁴ Surely he took up our pain
   and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
   stricken by him, and afflicted.
⁵ But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed.

Easter is over. We had an amazing service. We had a tremendous communion in which we wrote out our sins on pieces of paper that were nailed to a large wooden cross. We heard some great singing by our kids and our choir. And, of course, there was the traditional egg hunt in which my children acquired more candy than they (and I) needed. I was definitely impacted by the service and I was really moved by the reminder of how Jesus died on the cross for my sin. But, to tell the brutal truth, my heart forgot the impact, shortly after I left the building. It seems that, as of late, my heart has forgotten alot of things. I remember with my brain what is right, how I should live, what my motivation should be, but with my heart...well, it seems to be like a bicycle in pit full of mud, barely slogging (is that a word??) along, making minimal progress towards the edge. I don't know what it is. I know I did good for awhile, going after my renewed vows to God at the beginning of the year, but then my faith has kind of tanked. I didn't make a decision to give up entirely, but slowly let off the accelerator until I was almost at a dead stop. Some of my old self started creeping back in and before I knew it, it felt like late 2010 all over again. Theories abound (in my own brain anyway...I have been known to psycho-over-analyze myself once in awhile) as to why I got back to square 1, but once I let God show me my heart, it was really pretty easy to pinpoint the slide. To make a really long story short, I had a dream I thought God was fulfilling, only to find out that it was a mirage. I had a passion for a dream. The dream was not to be for now and hope deferred made my heart sick.

Here's some back story....I am one of those spoiled kids who is now an adult. I grew up pretty self-focused and self-centered. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. If I didn't get, I got pretty upset. Unfortunately today, it's much the same. It's fairly reminiscent of my 3 year old daughter when she is told 'No!' (I know...we are working on that with her...) When things don't go my way, I get depressed, upset, and I tend to pout. I'm not sure how I got that way, but it must have worked for me to pout as I kid, because I still do it. But now instead of trying to manipulate my mom with my pouting, I have God to contend with. The thing is, it doesn't work on God. Like a good parent, he sees right through it. It is a good thing he does because he really doesn't let me get away with it. As of late, as a matter of fact, he has be disciplining it out of me. It hurts like crazy, but I am glad he's doing it because I need a spiritual spanking once-in-a while. It's interesting how God goes about it though. He uses everything he can to get to my heart too...this time he used a motion picture.

It went down like this...the day after Easter, I decided to have an different sort of quiet time. When I realized my heart didn't connect with the cross as deeply as I wanted to, I felt like the spirit put it on my heart to take drastic action...I queued up the 'Passion of the Christ' movie. Yeah, THAT movie. Now look, I wasn't at all excited about watching it. That movie is a tough watch for all disciples. I saw it at the theater when it first came out and I haven't watched it since. It was so heartbreaking the first time, I couldn't imagine going there again. But God moved me to do so and who I am to argue with the Lord? I felt He wanted to go there, so I went with him...

You want to talk about the antidote to selfish/spoiled-ness. The cross is that and then some. It wasn't just the act of Jesus going to the cross but it was the selfless heart he demonstrated that blows me away. You can hear his selfless heart through his last few words. 'Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.' 'Son, here is mother. Mother, her is your son.' Today, you will be with me in paradise'...Even the words 'It is finished' shows his heart for doing for others not himself. He didn't call ten thousand angels to wipe out the Roman thugs. He didn't curse the religious leaders who heckled him as he bled. He didn't lay out a defense argument about why he shouldn't have been the one dying that day. He just let it happen and he did it with out any bitterness...and he did it for me and for you. Alot of hope was deferred when Jesus died. Hopes he had, hopes his disciples had. But in the end, on that resurrection Sunday, longings were fulfilled and a tree of life stood tall and strong! Jesus took a potentially devastating moment in the history of mankind and turn it into the seminal moment of history of the earth. He took a moment that looked to be the end of all things and made all things new. Isn't just like our Lord, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat, turning devastation into glory!

The call for me (and all of us for that matter!) is to let the conviction and the hurt we feel through life's disappointments to spawn repentance where necessary and reliance on God in every aspect. I can't get too down, because the Lord didn't. He finished the race and I have to as well. Yeah, the pain is still there. But the lesson is worth the hurt. I can't let life's disappointments put me in tailspin. I have to continue to walk as Jesus did and continue to live a life worthy of the calling I have received. Jesus understands and sympathizes, but he isn't going to let me mope around too long. None have resisted sin to the point of shedding our blood as the writer of Hebrews so eloquently put it. And when I see his response to pain, it motivates me to get up off the canvas. He gives me the strength to recover. His examples strengthens my legs and helps me to stand tall. He is the reason I am alive and the reason I live. I need to always have a passion for the passion, to always let the most incredible act that has ever been done, drive me to get closer to my God and lay down my life for as many as possible...The passion for the passion is what drives men to leave themselves and to become who God has called them to be. Let's be counted amongst those who left it all for Him. Amen.

Back to Isaiah 53...now 6-12

⁶ We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
   each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
   the iniquity of us all.

 ⁷ He was oppressed and afflicted,
   yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
   and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
   so he did not open his mouth.
⁸ By oppression^[a] and judgment he was taken away.
   Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
   for the transgression of my people he was punished.^[b]
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
   and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
   nor was any deceit in his mouth.

 ¹⁰ Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
   and though the LORD makes^[c] his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
   and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
¹¹ After he has suffered,
   he will see the light of life^[d] and be satisfied^[e];
by his knowledge^[f] my righteous servant will justify many,
   and he will bear their iniquities.
¹² Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,^[g]
   and he will divide the spoils with the strong,^[h]
because he poured out his life unto death,
   and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
   and made intercession for the transgressors.

'Revive Us Again'

Acts 2:42-47

 The Fellowship of the Believers

 ⁴² They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³ Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. ⁴⁴ All the believers were together and had everything in common. ⁴⁵ They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. ⁴⁶ Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. 

This scripture, describing the heart of the first century church, is always a high calling. Yet it should be the norm for all churches, everywhere. Sadly, few of our churches live up to this and far too many don't even care to try. It is a challenge, but I know God wants it this way, or else why would the scriptures be there that draw out this example?

For the beginning of this year, our church is undergoing a revival of sorts. We really want to get back to that first century church mentality and get ourselves back to being devoted to the right things. In order to do so, we had a solemn assembly, which is a time of group confession (if your church has never done, you should strongly suggest it...it cleanses the collective heart like nothing else!), and we had a three day fast together. As a church we spent 2 hours in spiritual reading on one day of the fast, 2 hours of prayer the next, and added a fast from 'the world' (basically TV and entertainment sorts of things...internet surfing, radio, and the like) on the last day. Tonight, we are getting together to rededicate ourselves to the cause of Christ and to break our fast together. It has been a gut wrenching (in mores ways than one) and soul reviving few days to say the least!

What has become painfully obvious to me through this time, is that I have almost completely lost my focus on the important things. My relationship with God has been poor. I used to read my bible on a daily basis, but lost that consistency some time ago. I used to share my faith on a regular basis, but that has waned as well...no surprise considering how poor my times with God have been! It's amazing how Satan gets us to focus on things that just aren't that important. How he makes things seem so pressing and so worthy of our attention and he gets us to take our eyes and our minds off of that which is of the utmost importance. How many times have I needed to pray and thoughts of all that I need to get done came streaming into my head? All of the sudden my 'To Do' List is attacking me!! How many times have I needed to share my faith, at the prompting of the Holy Spirit, but I get flooded with thoughts of fear, or other things that I was supposed to buy that I forgot or calls I needed to make on the way home? How many times have I needed to read my bible, yet I get distracted with a chore needing to be done, or a errand that must be run? I get so focused on work, or my 'plans', or my kids, or my stomach, or my fitness, or my whatever...that I just don't get with God.

My focus is so easily lost on nonsense. I watch alot of TV, watching and listening to SportsCenter or the exploits of the 'Cape', yet I don't listen much to my God and read about his exploits in the Word. I surf the net alot, reading about the world around me, but not nearly enough do I connect with my God, to get the proper perspective about that same world. I like to listen to the radio and the playful banter of sportstalk radio, but yet I so often fail to listen to the Creator, as he tries to guide me in the way everlasting. I get into my video games, playing a warrior on a battlefield against the enemy, and I too often fail to realize I am God's warrior, on a field of battle for lost souls, against a real enemy, who is far more nastier than Darth Vader or the Nazi Regime of WWII. Sigh....It really is time to get back to what is important...to get revived from my state of spiritual coma! I think you get my slightly belabored point....we need to get back to focusing on the Lord!

To this end, I decided, as a result of my time of fasting, to dedicate one hour a day, for the rest of this year, to my relationship with God. To take it up a notch and to quit allowing my schedule to run me. To really devote a significant portion of my day to the one who should be receiving the most of my attention. It's going to be challenging and a part of me wonders if I should even put this in writing, but I know it is something I must do, for my own good and the good of my household and my brothers and sisters in the Lord! So, here goes...and feel free to ask me how it is going...accountability is always good!

As we shared in the solemn assembly, it was truly saddening to see how this was happening to most of us. But, the great thing about this last few days, is that I know great change is coming!  What changes do you need to make? What do you need to repent of ? Many of us have made resolutions at the beginning of the year that we have deemed important. But how many of those resolutions revovled around your spirituality? Let's really challenge each other and decide to take it higher than we ever have before and to push ourselves to a deeper connection with our Holy Father. No resolution, dedication, or recommittment, will be better and more beneficial to you that this one!

"Failure is Always an Option"

One of my favorite TV programs is 'MythBusters'. I love watching them blow things to smithereens! One of their mantras on the show is, 'Failure is always an option.' Their belief is that you often learn more from failure than you do from 'success'. What's interesting about this concept is that I believe that it holds true in discipleship as well. One character in the bible who exemplifies this concept as good as anyone is the apostle Peter. Let's take a look at some of the seminal moments of his story, to see what I mean...

Mark 8:27-37 

Peter Declares That Jesus Is the Messiah

 ²⁷ Jesus and his disciples went on to the villages around Caesarea Philippi. On the way he asked them, “Who do people say I am?”

 ²⁸ They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, one of the prophets.”

   ²⁹ “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

   Peter answered, “You are the Messiah.”

 ³⁰ Jesus warned them not to tell anyone about him. 

Jesus Predicts His Death

 ³¹ He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after three days rise again. ³² He spoke plainly about this, and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.

 ³³ But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. “Get behind me, Satan!” he said. “You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

The Way of the Cross

 ³⁴ Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ³⁵ For whoever wants to save their life^[a] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. ³⁶ What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? ³⁷ Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?

It’s pretty obvious Peter didn’t get it. At first it seems like he does. The disciples are all walking along, Jesus had just healed a blind man and, sensing a golden discipling moment, Jesus asks the question, ‘Who do you say I am?’ Then Peter, always the first to speak (often to his detriment), pipes up and says ‘You are the Messiah!’ BINGO!!! You are correct... Johnny tell him what prize he's won! I bet Peter is feeling pretty good about his answer. He probably had a little strut going on. "Yeah, that’s right... Yo Matthius!... Hear my answer?... Who's the man???….Did ya hear that Diggy Doctor??…Lukey Lukester, hear my answer?…That’s right!… MA-SI-AH… You got it dog... Petey Pete from Fisherman Street got it right….I am the man!" I’m sure he was struttin’ his stuff a little. 

One thing you can see here is that Peter didn’t really get what was going on at all. You can tell by his next actions. You see Peter, like many Jews, was waiting for the ‘Messiah’. The galloping ghost on his trusty white steed with sword in one hand, shield in the other, fire coming out of his eyes and flames coming out of his....well, you get the picture. They were waiting for the warrior who would come down from heaven triumphantly and provide the power that would bring the Jewish people out of their bondage to the Romans and bring them back to their spot as God’s holy people…The Messiah large and in charge! The thing was, the Messiah was right there, and Peter knew Jesus was the One, and even though Jesus never showed any inclination to become this great military commander, Peter just could never get his mind off of that concept. The Messiah was there, the plan was underway, it was just a way different than anyone expected...You know, kind of how God does...I don't know...everything! (For other examples see David and Goliath, Gideon, Joshua at Jericho, Aaron and Hur holding up Moses hands, etc...)

To Peter it was bordering on blasphemy for Jesus to talk like this. To speak of being rejected, disgraced, and then killed was ludicrous in Peter's mind. I imagine that once Peter heard the ‘killed’ part he got stuck on it. He probably never heard the 'raised on the third day' part at all! Its kind of the old good news/ bad news thing. When you hear the bad news first, and it’s so bad its painful, the good news usually goes unnoticed. So, how does Peter respond? It's was probably something like this. "I don’t think so Jesus!…Listen, I am a big dude and you’ve got eleven other brothers here that will rough anybody up who tries to jack you Jesus! This rejected, disgraced, and killed talk is ridiculous! You had better stop all of this foolish talk Jesus!" 

I imagine that Peter was quite surprised at what Jesus said in response to his stiff rebuke.

 ‘Get behind me Satan!’ Yikes! A stunning rebuke to say the least. I cringe every time I read that. Imagine Jesus saying this to you, especially after you had just recently said something right! Peter went from proud, proclaimer of praise, to befuddled and bewildered…bemoaned by the Begotten.

What Peter thought was going on wasn't even close to reality. What he thought was the plan, was entirely different. Peter just didn’t get it. He walked with Jesus, ate with Jesus, and with Him night and day for three years, and he still didn't have much of a clue.

Most of us are familiar with the events that came later. Let's jump forward to passion week. Jesus is turned over to an angry mob, Judas does his betrayer thing and the Lord is taken into custody to be tried for a list of trumped up charges. At the town courthouse, Peter is left outside in the courtyard as Jesus’ mock trial begins. When he is interrogated by some of the other bystanders, he denies any affiliation with the Lord, going so far as to call down curses on himself to the crescendo of a rooster crowing…ushering in the echoes of Christ’s prophesy that he just stated a few days earlier regarding Peter’s role in his death. In his bravado and his delusional surety that an epic battle for the throne was about to ensue, the battle in which he would play Maximus to Jesus’ William Wallace, the war that would surely be won by the mighty Messiah and his band of brothers, Peter missed the heart of all that Jesus taught and modeled for him. He missed the heart behind all of the teaching about sacrifice and heavenly kingdoms, and seeds falling to the ground and dying. He missed the point of the parables, the mountainside chats, and the sermons on the lake. The prophesy that Jesus spoke of, where he described how he would be the sacrificial lamb for all men for all time, never clicked with Peter. It never made sense. At least not until that rooster crowed and his soul was cleansed with much weeping and many tears. Not until he had some time to lick wounds and go back out to his old stomping grounds and see a familiar miracle. 

John 21:15-25

Jesus Reinstates Peter

 15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” 16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” 17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”   Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

The scene is all too familiar. The lake. The fog. A night long fishing derby. The frustrating lack of fish biting. The almost mocking bellow of a fellow fisherman with the absolutely absurd request to put out into deeper waters. Jesus was setting the scene to remind Peter of a time when his faith grew the most. Peter wandered back out to fish because his faith was weak, he was defeated, and he had no idea what to do now. Then Jesus showed up and revealed himself as risen. I don’t know if Peter thought he could walk on the water again or what, but it says 'he wrapped his garment around himself' before he ended up in the water. But what you have to love about Peter, and what I know Jesus always loved about him, was his uncanny ability to not care about what others thought or about what obstacles might be in his way. Perhaps he thought he could walk to Jesus as he had before, but even after the shock of hitting the probably cold water, he just swam then... and he wasn't just a few feet, but about 100 yards. He knew Jesus was on the shore and a ride was just was too cotton-picking slow. He needed to get back to Jesus. To get things right. He always followed. He always went where Jesus went.  He even followed at a distance after he denied the Lord. The problem was, he followed with his brain, he followed with his body, he just didn't follow with his heart. He just didn't get it, until he blew it, about as bad as one could. It wasn't until he fell flat on his face and had that moment where he felt like and utter and complete failure, until he got it.

That’s the way God works isn't it? It’s our failures that teach us who God is. How do we learn that God loves us? Through the ugliness of our sin. We were a broken people, left for dead, on the junk heap of human life, and along came God to pick us up, dust us off, and put us in a special place on his mantle, displaying his glory for all to see. How did we learn about grace? We messed up. Blew it. Did what we knew we shouldn’t. Did what we thought we would never do. And God forgave us… again and again. How did we learn about redemption? We saw our sin and the depth of our lostness. We watched, with our mind’s eye, a completely blameless Savior, beaten and battered beyond recognition, carry a cross to the place of the skull and forgive a thief, give his mom a caretaker, and ask his Father, as a last dying request to forgive his murderers, for they knew not what they were doing. And he was doing it because of our failures. How do we learn the heart of God? A lot of times, the lessons that stick come through those times of utter failure, when we stare our brokenness in the face, and suddenly realize that God and his way, his plans and his purpose are what is best. It is then, that our hearts learn what discipleship really is. What following Christ is really all about. 

Many times we want to divorce our failures from our discipleship but God uses those to help us get it on a heart level. Yeah, it hurts. Yeah, it stings. And no, I doubt any of us would ever seek to fail on purpose. But when we inevitably do, God will use it to teach us. What we have to do is always follow, even when we don't totally get it, we will eventually. God wants us to understand with our hearts and he will use whatever he can to get us there, including our failures. Failure is always an option, at least with God it is.

'One of Those Difficult to Answer Questions'

Romans 7:17-19

¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing."


Here is a question I can't seem to answer...God gives us the Holy Spirit at baptism. The Holy Spirit lives within us. Because of God's grace, we become a holy nation. Yet, we have a sinful nature and are full of sin. God sees us as pure and blameless and we are called new creations and his righteousness, yet my heart is deceitful and beyond cure....God left Jesus at the time of his death on the cross because he was full of sin, and he never mixes with sin except, apparently in the case of each of us as human beings. I don't get it....A lot of this just doesn't make sense...Is my theology completely messed up, or is this just one of those things that is not to be understood? I am told I am forgiven, yet I am also told that I am utterly sinful, poor, blind and naked...I always struggle with this concept because it doesn't make sense. I am told that my heart is inherently bad, yet I am created in the image of God.  Huh? How can I be a new creation in Christ, but be so sinful that I can't trust even myself. I don't know how to rectify this in my heart. Unless I go this route....
Here is my take on the answer...
I believe that what the Bible says is true on both fronts, but that there is a distinction to be made. Our hearts are deceitful and beyond cure, until God comes along. We are utterly sinful and unrighteous, until that magical baptism that ushers in the power of the Holy Spirit. We are poor, blind, naked, and lost, until that rebirth, coupled with repentance and faith in God, that allows us to be transformed into a new creation. My heart is inherently bad, but once God saved me, my heart was made new. We are given a heart of flesh to replace our heart of stone. It now makes perfect sense. I could give up on the quest, give up on my relationship with God, allow my old nature to take control, and lose my salvation..but why would I do that??? Why do people do that??? (Another topic altogether)...The part I always get hung up on is the existence of the sinful nature....Where does it live? Does it live in my heart where the Holy Spirit lives? Does my nature just mean 'tendencies' I have apart from the Lord? Dictionary.com gives the following definition for nature: 'the instincts or inherent tendencies directing conduct: a man of good nature.' Ahhh-hah!! Tendencies...I lived 20 years outside of God and his Kingdom and I was often left to my own devices...I learned to act on the temptations of Satan and I ended up, through many years of practice, as one who tended towards sin. I wasn't sinful at birth, but I was born into a spiritual war for my soul, and since I wasn't in a God-fearing household, I was doomed from the beginning. But then God came near, sent some faithful saints to intercept me and teach me the ways of Christ. This has to be the answer, right? But if it is, what are the implications? Do I teach the right message? Do I believe the right things? Overall, I would say 'Yes'...but what do I believe in my heart? I spend more time defeated than I do redeemed. I live more in the past than I do in eternity. I focus so much on what I once was, that I miss out on who I am and who I am becoming. I consider myself a sinner more than a saint...it can't be true though...except maybe in the sense of how alcoholics say they are still alcoholics but are reformed...Maybe that's it! I am a reformed sinner. A saint with a nasty tendency towards sin. It makes much more sense now...but am I just making stuff up? It seems to be true and the Bible seems to support this thought, but then why do we focus so much on what we need to repent of? Shouldn't it be more about what I need to add to my heart to sway my tendencies towards goodness and righteousness? 
I know it's a lot to ponder, but it's one of those things that has always been a question of my soul. Share your thoughts...I'd love to here where you come in...

'What If....'

When I was young, I loved to read and collect comic books. I loved Marvel comics the most...Wolverine, the X-Men, Spiderman, the Avengers...'nuff said...good stuff! One of my favorite titles was called 'What if...' It was a title that had a character called 'the Watcher' who would narrate a story of what would have happened if a significant event that had occurred in past stories, went a different direction. They were really interesting and thought provoking....well at least as much as a comic book can be anyway! The whole concept of 'What if' has always intrigued me. What if Jesus had never died on the cross? (That is probably the easiest to figure out...we would be toast..). What if JFK had never been assassinated? What if 9/11 was thwarted? What if Don Deckinger had made the right call in the 1985 World Series?...Ok, that last one was a little less earth shattering than the first three...but I think you get my drift. The scenario that has really got me thinking recently is: What if (insert your name here) never became a Christian? Now, you have to take a lot of liberties to come up with some sort of answer to this question, because God works no matter the circumstances and only he really knows (he is the real Watcher), but I think it is worth thinking through if not for an exercise in realizing what impact God has used each disciple to make. Let's give this a try...and see what kind of thoughts it provokes...Come along with me on this little trip through a what if and hopefully it will encourage your faith and help you (as it will me) to remember how closely all of our lives are intertwine. As well I hope to help you remember how amazing our God is for keeping all of our lives moving in such a way as to get us to come to him.

Joe was baptized in late 1990. It was by no means a forgone conclusion that he would become a Christian. As a matter of fact, it was a major miracle that he ever found God in the first place. You see, Joe grew up with very little religion and what he had, came by way of a handful of church visits, a brief stint in a Sunday school class, and a couple of unpleasant family experiences. Joe was approached by a disciple on the campus of a state university and was asked to attend a church service. He was reluctant to attend because, in Joe's mind, Christianity really couldn't hold a candle to sleeping in and the NFL pre-game on Sundays. Against his better judgment and because his guilt had finally gotten the best of him, he attended a church service and was hooked by the kingdom of God from the jump. He studied the bible and two weeks, a broken spirit, many tears, and much repentance later, he became a Christian. Joe was a pretty outgoing guy and he took to campus ministry life pretty quickly. He became a small group leader, studied the bible with several of his friends, and made a significant impact in the church. He took on several roles in the church from kingdom kids extraordinaire to later becoming the lead usher. He was growing quickly and enjoying God's favor and although he had some significant challenges along the way, Joe eventually volunteered for a church planting 'mission team' and moved away from his hometown to go on the adventure of a life time.
Fast forward 20 years later and Joe is married with children and leading a ministry where he his serving God and his church diligently...but what if he had never proclaimed 'Jesus is Lord' and took the plunge of all plunges? What if Joe never became a Christian and just discarded that original invitation to church and dismissed it as another bunch of religious mumbo jumbo? Where would he be? Where would they be?

Today, Joe is married to a Christian woman named Anne whom he met in his old campus ministry. Their love was founded on their relationships with God. Joe and Anne have two kids. Had Joe not become a Christian, no marriage to Anne, and no kids. Anne's life would have been drastically altered and their kids would've never been born.

One person that Joe helped become a Christian was Dave. Dave was a wayward young man, who many thought to be older than he really was. Dave had grown up without his dad playing a prominent role in his life and the kingdom of God was, like it is for all who come to it, his saving grace. Joe studied the bible with Dave and they developed a big brother/ little brother relationship. Dave serves a youth ministry leader and has played roles in campus and single ministries and Dave's mother has become a Christian. If Joe never becomes a Christian, Dave doesn't either. Neither does Dave's mom and neither do any of the kids in Dave's ministry.

Joe works with a man named Bill. Bill and his wife Anita have been married for 45 years. Joe helped Bill become a Christian. Anita followed shortly thereafter. Bill and Anita have three kids who are all older and have families. Bill and Anita have converted all of their kids and their spouses. If Joe never became a Christian, Bill and Anita don't make it and neither do any of their kids or their kids' spouses...in fact, without Bill and Anita becoming Christians, their marriage fails, even after all those years.

This is just part of the story....what would have happened to Joe's life had he not become a Christian? What if Joe decide to pass on Jesus and live for himself. Joe longed to be a part of something so he joined a fraternity. The frat life and party scene was Joe's bag and he gave himself over to it. During the last party of his senior year, Joe met a beautiful girl named Ginger. He pursued Ginger until she caved. They went out for a couple of months before Joe, obsessed with Ginger, popped the question. Joe graduated shortly after his proposal and landed a good job. Ginger quit school to marry Joe and shortly after their honeymoon, Ginger became pregnant and nine months later Joe Jr. was born. Joe was scared of being a father since his relationship with his dad was so dysfunctional. But he kept his fears to himself. On Joe Jr's first birthday, he lost his job. Rather than tell his wife, he was never good at confrontation, he hung out at a local bar and went home everyday at 5pm acting as though he worked a full day. He couldn't tell Ginger, she would get too worried, plus, they weren't close really anyway since the baby was born.

Ginger didn't want much intimacy nowadays. Because of the uncomfortability of being pregnant and the 30 lbs of baby weight, Ginger never wanted to even go there again. Knowing Joe wanted more kids, Ginger had to avoid intimacy at all costs. Without it she surmised there would be no more babies, no more bad body changes, and no more worries. At least so she thought.

During his days of hiding out at the bar, Joe met Missy. Missy was a bar maid, who had been in many relationships, and always got caught up in the wrong situation. Joe dumped out his guilt ridden heart to Missy one day and Missy, wanting to rescue another broken man from utter ruin, invited him over to her place for a meal and some extended talk away from her workplace. One thing lead to another and Joe did what no married ought to do with any woman outside of his wife. Joe returned home that night, more guilt ridden than ever with another secret he couldn't reveal and a conscience that was not only seared but shattered. As the bills came in, multiple checks bounced and another job could not be found, the jig was up. Ginger confronted Joe and Joe spilled the beans...about having no job and about having a one night stand with Missy.  He couldn't hold it any longer. The truth was out and Ginger was crushed.

Joe and Ginger divorced shortly thereafter. Ginger couldn't even stand to be around Joe and she wanted no part of forgiving him. Ginger moved in with her parents and Joe had to go live with his brother, while drawing unemployment. Joe never saw Joe Jr. because he felt too much shame to ever face him and rarely paid his child support. He descended rapidly into depression, alcoholism and became addicted to heroin that his brother constantly stole from a mutual 'friend' who worked at a local hospital. One rainy night, after a party at his brother's house, Joe, drunk and high, got into a fight with his brother and left to take a drive and cool off. It was the last time anyone saw Joe alive. It had rained just enough that night to make the roads slick and Joe was judged to have been driving about 30 mph over the speed limit when he lost control of his car and wrapped it around a telephone pole. Joe suffered massive head injuries and was pronounced dead on the scene by the paramedics who attended him at the crash site...Ginger found out about the accident by watching the local news and through a cascade of tears, tried to explain it all to little 3 year old Joe Jr. Joe Jr. would spend his entire life wondering why his dad never wanted him to see him when he was young and why his dad had become a drug addict and died because of it. Ginger never recovered from the heartache Joe had put her through. She never remarried and she spent most of her life working sub-standard jobs and trying to raise a boy who was in and out of trouble and whom she could never really connect with. Joe Jr. ended up going to prison for felony armed robbery and felony drug possession.  He always claimed he was a product of growing up without a father and frequently blames a broken family for his current situation. It's a true reason, but dismissed as nothing but an excuse. Ginger died of heart failure at the age of 40. She was penniless, and by all accounts was extremely unhappy with everything about her life....

Crazy story huh? What if Joe never became Christian? Look at all that might not have happened and look at all that could have happened? This is all just conjecture and the story was all somewhat fictitious, although I have heard stories similar to this throughout my life. What is the point to all of this? It is really just this simple...Your life of discipleship means something and it has profoundly impacted more people that you have probably ever considered. Think through your life. Apply your story. Examine the what ifs and apply your sinful nature, unchecked, to where you were headed before Jesus. Where would you be without Him? Where would they be without Him? Where would it all be without you making a decision follow Him and to keep following Him no matter how tough it gets? What if I never had decided to follow the Lord??....To be honest, I don't want to know how my story would have turned out, because it is a guarantee it was would not have not have been 'happily ever after'. It is so true that my worst day as a Christian is better than my best day was before I knew Jesus. Please always remember this, your life as a Christian, no matter how hard, has made and will continue to make a difference. Let's resolve to never have to worry about the what ifs but only to concern ourselves with the what will happen as we continue to follow the Lord!

 ²⁴ “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. ²⁵ And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. ²⁶ From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. ²⁷ God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.  ---Acts 17:24-27

"The Battle Within"

Here is a verse I relate to all too much...

Romans 7: 7- 25

The Law and Sin

 ⁷ What shall we say, then? Is the law sinful? Certainly not! Nevertheless, I would not have known what sin was had it not been for the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.”^{[b] 8} But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of coveting. For apart from the law, sin was dead. ⁹ Once I was alive apart from the law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. ¹⁰ I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. ¹¹ For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. ¹² So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good.  ¹³ Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! Nevertheless, in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it used what is good to bring about my death, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
 ¹⁴ We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰ Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
 ²¹ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. ²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
   So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature^[d] a slave to the law of sin. 

This battle within wears me out. It makes me tired and it just flat out makes me sick to my stomach. My sin seems to always be right there with me and my sinful nature seems to be so much bigger than it should be. I am reminded of an old axiom, about the two dogs. Both are hungry, but there is only one meal to be divided between the two of them. The one who consistently gets the lions share gets bigger and the other smaller....the story is often used to remind us to 'feed the big dog' and not the small one...the big dog should be our spiritual side and the little dog should be our sinful nature. We feed the big dog by prayer, bible study, etc. and we starve the little dog by confession, repentance, etc....Great in theory, but why is it so hard? Why do I have so much pity on the little dog? Not really, but it sure looks that way. And sometimes it feels that way as well. It seems like no matter how much I want to do good, evil is right there. I am so glad the above scripture is in the bible, but it helps me to see how much Paul related to our struggle. Sure he was a super apostle and sure he the greatest proclaimer of the gospel this side of Jesus, but he struggled with sin. And I guess that is the rub....struggle. To struggle, the dictionary says is to contend with an adversary or opposing force; to contend resolutely with a task, problem, etc.; strive: to struggle for existence; to advance with violent effort; to struggle through the snow.

I love this! For years, the term 'struggling with sin' has had negative connotations but really, in view of the definition of struggle, shouldn't we all be struggling with sin?!? To advance with violent effort...that is what I have to do! So what is the reality in all of this....if you see the struggle and you are aware of it, engaged in it, and are fighting to do the 'good you know you ought to do', then that is half the battle. The other half is embracing the One who will bring us victory...'Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!' How great is that! One of the ongoing jokes in our church is that the answer that the kids in our church give to every spiritual question is 'Jesus!'...It this case the answer is 'Jesus'!
He is the warrior that goes before us in our battle. He is the muscle bound guy with the big claymore, mounted on the white steed, face covered in war paint, charging ahead to clash with Satan and his demons at the battle line for our soul...I am so glad he is on my side!!!

How do I get out of this funk...how do I win this struggle against the foe of sin that has haunted and bullied me from the age of accountability??? I must grab on to the robe of the almighty... 

¹³ The LORD will march out like a champion, like a warrior he will stir up his zeal; with a shout he will raise the battle cry and will triumph over his enemies. - Isaiah 42:13

As the old song says...hold to God's unchanging hand...